


For No One

by Andromytta



Series: Paintings In My Mind [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Depressed Dean, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, References to the Beatles, Songwriter Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 22:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11815161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromytta/pseuds/Andromytta
Summary: Dean and Castiel have been living together for 3 months.  Castiel was about to propose when Dean started pulling away.  Cas needs to find a way to get through to him.Prequel of sorts to A Shoulder to Cry On.





	For No One

**Author's Note:**

> Song referenced is "For No One" by the Beatles

Dean Winchester was _it_ for Castiel Novak.  From the moment they met, Castiel knew it would be more than a random Tinder hook up.  It had taken a bit more to convince Dean. 

Now, a year after that fateful night, they had been living together for three months, and Castiel was ready to propose to Dean.  At least, he was up until the past month or so, when Dean starting acting different.  It started out innocently enough.  They would both come home from work, and Dean would insist they go out.  It was fun until Dean started to drink more and more each time they went out.  Then Dean started going out alone.

First, he’d only go out a couple of nights a week.  Now, he was staying out every night.  When he finally did come home, he would immediately pass out in their bed.  Except for the rare night he tried to start something physical with Cas, which he would immediately rebuff.

Castiel didn’t know what to do.  He knew that Dean had a dark past.  He felt the scars every time he ran his hands over Dean’s skin.  Dean would never tell him what happened, but Cas suspected at least some of them were the result of self-harm.  Dean would also never let Cas see him nude.  They always made love in the dark.  Dean wouldn’t even undress until the lights were out.

His worry was eating at him, so much so that he couldn’t concentrate and finally told his assistant that he’d be working from home the rest of the day.  Not that he expected to get any work done.  Dean had been his muse, practically from their first date, and with him withdrawing like this, it was as if Castiel’s inspiration had left as well.  When he pulled into the driveway of the tiny house he and Dean were renting together, he was surprised to see Dean’s Impala already there.  He was sure Dean had left for work the same time as him this morning.  Something was definitely wrong.  Dean didn’t just leave work early.  When he sliced his hand open and had to get twelve stitches, he tried to go back to the garage only to have his boss call him an “idjit” and send him home.

Castiel gripped the steering wheel of his Lincoln and took a deep breath.  He had no idea what he would walk into, which Dean he would find.  His moods had been all over the place, when he wasn’t drowning in whiskey.  He steeled himself and went into the house.  It was dark.  It was so, so quiet.  Dean was nowhere to be found.

Then he heard it; something that sounded like sobbing coming from the master bedroom.  There, he found Dean in the corner of the bathroom, knees pulled to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around them, head on his knees. 

Castiel immediately dropped to a crouch next to him and took his hands.  “Dean, what’s wrong?”

Dean snatched his hands away and looked up at him, his emerald greens shiny from crying.  “Go away, Cas.”

Cas saw something he’d never seen in Dean’s eyes before.  An old song lyric floated to into his mind.  _“No sign of love behind the tears…”_   It was more than that though; Dean’s eyes were empty, vacant. 

“Dean, please, just talk to me.  Whatever it is, we can work through it.  Together.”  Cas was pleading with him now.

Dean shoved him away.  “No.  Go away.  It’s not going to work.”

“What’s not going to work, Dean?”

“Everything.  Nothing.  Nothing ever works.”  Dean dropped his head back onto his knees, effectively dismissing Castiel.

Dejected, Castiel left Dean in the bathroom. He went out into their bedroom and dumped his trench coat, briefcase, suit jacket and tie onto his desk.  He lay down on the bed and simply listened to Dean’s sobs, his heart breaking because he didn’t know how to help him.  He didn’t know what he would do if he lost Dean.

He must have dozed off, because before he knew it, Dean was coming out of the bathroom.  Freshly showered, shaved, and dressed to the nines, and boy did he smell good!  Castiel got up quickly.  “Dean?  You’re going out?  Give me a few minutes to change and I can go with you.”  Castiel hated how desperate his voice sounded.  He was hoping this was a sign that Dean was feeling better, and he couldn’t help the hitch in his voice.

“No, Cas.  I don’t need you to go out with me.”

 _“You want him, you need him. And yet when you don’t believe him when he says his love is dead, you think he needs you.”_ That old song popped back into Castiel’s head, his mind changing the pronouns in the original song.  Dean was out the door before Castiel could process what was happening.  Clearly, Dean was pushing him away.  Castiel needed to know why.  _“No sign of love behind the tears.  Cried for no one.  A love that should have lasted years.”_

Sure, when he met Dean it was with the understanding that it would be one time thing.  That’s what Tinder was for, right?  It was different for them, right from the start.  Somehow, every time they would seek a date through that app, they kept finding each other.  But when Cas wanted more from Dean than sex, when he wanted to go on a real date, he had to work for it, despite having been with each other almost every night for a month.  Castiel went old school and wooed Dean. 

He went the bar he knew he was sure to find Dean looking for another “no strings attached” hook up and did something he never, ever did.  Sang to him.  In public.  There was a reason Castiel Novak remained behind the scenes as a songwriter and producer, despite his talent.  He suffered from crippling stage fright.  But that night, the night he thought he had won Dean’s heart, he went to that bar, got behind the piano, and played an old Beatles’ song.  “You Won’t See Me.”  It was enough.  It worked.

Until now.  Dean was pushing him away again.  Castiel knew there was that dark part that Dean kept hidden, didn’t want Castiel to see.  Castiel didn’t care about that.  He wanted to bathe Dean in all the light and love he deserved.  Dean was trying to protect him, Castiel knew that.  Even as his heart was breaking, he knew Dean only wanted to protect him.  But Castiel wouldn’t lose him.  He couldn’t.

Reminiscing about his past gave him an idea, maybe a way to bring Dean back home.  He called Dean’s best friend, Benny, who also happened to own the piano bar Dean preferred to frequent.  Benny verified that Dean was there (and grudgingly revealed that Dean was grinding up on some girl).  Cas sighed heavily, but still got Benny to agree to his plan.

If Dean was trying to protect him, then he had to get Dean to see what his behavior was actually doing to him.  If the Beatles worked once before, perhaps they would again.  Castiel dressed in what he knew was one of Dean’s favorite things to see him in, black jeans and a dark blue silk button down.  He put on his favorite cologne, which he knew Dean loved.  There was nothing more he could do to make himself physically more attractive.  He just had to give himself a pep talk.

He pulled into the parking lot of the bar and sat in his car for several minutes.  “It’s just Dean.  You’re just going to be singing to Dean.  No one else matters.”  Castiel learned early on in their relationship that he could sing for Dean.  He had absolutely no stage fright around that man.  That was the point of no return for Castiel; that was the moment he knew he was in love with Dean and there was no going back.  He never tired of showing this to Dean, over and over again.  He’d show Dean what he meant to him every single day, every single minute for the rest of their lives if he had to.  Tonight was no exception.  Taking a calming breath for the second time that night, he shored his confidence around him and strode into the bar.

The calming breath he took in the car left his lungs in whoosh when he walked in.  Benny wasn’t lying.  Dean was aggressively grinding on some random bar chick.  His hands were everywhere.  Castiel almost turned around and left right then.  Only Benny’s sudden presence and calming hand on his shoulder kept him from running. 

“You know this ain’t like him, brotha,” Benny said.

“It used to be,” Castiel responded meekly.

“Not since you.  I don’t know what’s got into him lately, but Dean’s been the happiest I’ve ever seen him since y’all got togetha’.”  Benny was just as worried about Dean as Cas was.  “Now, go on.  The piano is all yours.  Get him back.”

He had to do it.  Castiel had to show Dean what he was feeling.  Music was the only way he knew how.  Thankfully, Paul McCartney already wrote the words.  Castiel just had to make it his own, make it fit with him and Dean.  He sat down at the piano, no sheet music was necessary.  This was one of many songs he had learned to play by memory many years ago.

_Your day breaks, your mind aches_

_You find that all the words of kindness linger on_

_When he no longer needs you_

_He wakes up, he makes up_

_He takes his time and doesn't feel he has to hurry_

_He no longer needs you_

_And in his eyes you see nothing_

_No sign of love behind the tears_

_Cried for no one_

_A love that should have lasted years!_

When the music first starts up, Dean doesn’t pay attention to it.  This is a piano bar, after all.  There’s bound to be piano music.  He starts getting more involved with the girl in his arms.  But once that all too familiar voice fills the space, he stops moving.  His arms drop from around the girl, but he doesn’t turn to look at Cas.

_You want him, you need him_

_And yet you don't believe him when he said his love is dead_

_You think he needs you_

_And in his eyes you see nothing_

_No sign of love behind the tears_

_Cried for no one_

_A love that should have lasted years!_

What was Cas doing here?  Peforming?  In public?  Was this for Dean?  Dean was having a hard time wrapping his brain around what Cas was doing.  The only other time he performed in public was for Dean.  Another Beatles’ song too.  But that was before.  Before Dean actually agreed to date Castiel.  Before they moved in together.  Before Cas knew what a complete and total mess of a broken down man he was.  How could he be singing for Dean now?  He finally turned and looked at the man behind the piano.  Cas looked beautiful, like he always did when he sang just for Dean, but also he looked wrecked, like the very light from his soul had been drained out of him.  Was that because of Dean?  Did Dean make him that way?  For once, Dean decided to turn off his inner voice and just listen to the lyrics Cas was singing.  To him, for him.

_You stay home, he goes out_

_He says that long ago he knew someone but now he's gone_

_He doesn't need him_

_Your day breaks, your mind aches_

_There will be time when all the things he said will fill your head_

_You won't forget him._

_And in his eyes, you see nothing._

_No sign of love behind the tears._

_Cried for no one,_

_A love that should have lasted years…_

When the song ended, Castiel launched back into it.  His deep blue eyes locked onto Dean’s green ones.  The rest of the room fell away, and he was truly singing to Dean.  He put all of his feelings into the lyrics.

[For No One](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOzXnC5ogVk)

Dean did wreck him.  But it wasn’t because of his inner darkness; it was because Dean kept pushing him away.  It hit him like a ton of bricks.  Maybe he could envelope himself within Castiel’s light.  He could try, at least.  He owed it to Castiel, and maybe to himself, to tell Cas what he was getting into with Dean.  With purpose, he walked off the dance floor and over to piano, where he sat down on the bench next to Castiel.  He pulled his hands off of the keys, wrapped his arms around him and kissed him firmly. 

“Let’s go home, Cas.  I’ll tell you everything, I promise.  And-and if you want to leave after that, I understand.”

“Dean,” Cas said, his voice rough, “I could never leave you.”

Dean realized that Castiel meant it.  He should have been scared.  He wasn’t.


End file.
